When I Rule the World:

1. All my subjects will refer to me as the Empress of Awesomeness
2. No Drag Queen will be allowed to be prettier than me, I can handle a chick being prettier than me, but a dude dressed as a chick might be too much for my queenly self esteem to handle.
3. Any drag queen that commits the above crime will be forced to where their grandmothers clothing… from the 80’s, with big chunky head bands (for a year)
4. All religions will be reviewed by a panel of unbiased judges (atheists) and if found to be harmful to anyone besides members of their own religion will be abolished. I say members of their own religion because if you’re crazy enough to consent to something like running bare assed between two rows of people with studded paddles smacking said bare ass as your initiation you deserve it (as long as your over 18). NOTHING that either directly or indirectly harms a child will be permitted.
5. Anyone caught correcting the Empress of Awesomeness or ‘advising’ her of an error on her part will result in the immediate and humiliating punishment of 40 lashes with a wet noodle. (A second offense will result in the perpetrator forced to dance naked through streets of Awesomeland singing Miley Cyrus songs… I’m not joking, unless your super fat, cause nobody wants to see that)
6. Any previously unheard word that comes from the Empress mouth will be immediately posted on dictionary.com with whatever meaning the Empress says it has, so that everyone may enjoy the gems of wisdom that issue from the twisted cavern of her mind.
7. Everyone will be required by law to acknowledge that the Niece of Awesomeness (known to some as Kayleen) is the cutest, smartest, most perfect, little lady that ever there was. (Failure to do this may result in your expulsion from the Awesome planet [previously known as Earth] via the Empresses size twelve boot in your ass [seriously dudes, you’ll end up in the stratosphere])
8. All crimes committed will be severely punished. Seriously, it will mildly nicer than Vlad the Impaler
9. Whatever the Niece of Awesomeness wants, she gets, period.
10. School to at least grade 12 will be Mandatory, there is no excuse for illiteracy.
11. World Hunger will be abolished, by any means necessary
12. Research will be focused on cures for current incurable ailments, and the prevention of catching those incurable ailments, anyone caught creating any type virus or illness will NOT like the consequences
13. There will be a limit to how much any one person can earn in wages per year, no one needs to earn $25 million dollars a year, when there are children starving to death the world over.
14. Every country in the world will use the same currency, and all foods, will hold the same dollar value no matter where it comes from
15. All people will be entitled to not just the basic needs of life, everyone should have enough money for ample food, clean water, clothing, and shelter.
16. With the exception of lazy assholes who don’t want to work, you can fucking starve