Awesome First Post

In light of this being my very first blog post (which will be awesome) I have elected to share with you, 82 Random things about me (there was going to be 100 but I was doing it at work, and quiting time came, and well... who the hell stays at the office after quiting time?) So, enjoy:

1. I am awesome
2. Heavy use of sarcasm is an integral part of my everyday life
3. Using words like integral makes me feel brainy
4. One of my biggest ‘pet’ peeves is small animals as fashion accessories, I hope the little dog you have pisses in your Luis Vuitton purse
5. I like to read, and am very into series such as: Harry Potter (Don’t roll your eyes at me), The Sword of Truth (awesomeness), and Anita Blake (for the sheer male aesthetics), I also enjoyed The Twilight series ( until I got to the last book, and discovered what a raving stink pot it was, seriously if you’re gonna read the series, stop after the third book, and if you’ve already bought the last book read only the beginning up to the end of the wedding then take it back to the store and use the refund to buy a decent book)
6. I have a favorite movie from like every genre (except porn, I don’t get out that much)
7. I don’t watch much TV but I assure you that the shows I do watch are ripe with awesomeness
8. I spend an abnormal amount of time coming up with ‘perfect’ crimes ( by perfect I mean, me not getting caught and ending up in some female prison as the bitch of a 40 something bull dyke named Big Bertha)
9. I like to write, but usually get a few pages into the “GREATEST NOVEL EVER THOUGHT UP” and lose interest
10. I am a big fan of classic rock, and feel that everyone should love Queen and the Rolling Stones as I do (which is probably too much, and bordering on obsessive)
11. I am a lesson in contradictions as I enjoy playing games such as the Sims and yet still find it completely illogical to waste your life playing a game that has you ‘living’ a life
12. I enjoy knitting and sewing and various other textile arts but am absolute rubbish at completing projects, I get 3/4 of the way done and lose interest (seems to be a theme with me)
13. I have two brothers, to sisters, and two almost sister in laws, that I am quite fond of
14. I get along with my parents (except when I am trying to pry them away from my laptop)
15. I like chocolate way more than is healthy for me
16. I swear a bit (who am I kidding I could put a sailor to shame)
17. My favorite salty snack (get your minds out of the gutter) is popcorn
18. And Miss Vickie’s Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar chips
19. My best friend is my little sister (no one get offended it’s just cause she loves Queen and the Rolling Stones with as much, if not more, fervor than I do)
20. Some of my favorite words are, shenanigans, carousing, and plotz
21. One of my secret vices is Celebrity Best and Worst dressed lists (guess it’s not such a secret anymore)
22. There is only one other female besides me at work and as such there is mucho toilet seat adjustment
23. #22 annoys me to the point of insisting that should I ever leave this job, the next one will have me only work with other women (Stage Manager at Steve’s Boobie/Strip Palace sounds like a glitzy job, and YAY for Employee only bathrooms!!)
24. I have an inexplicable girllycrush on Dita Von Teese
25. The sight of Lindsay Lohan makes me want to throw up in my mouth
26. I’m a big fan of old Hollywood glamour
27. I love my niece more than I ever thought possible and there is NOTHING I wouldn’t do to keep her safe, happy and healthy
28. I like to play World of Warcraft but am thankfully not as enamored with it as some people ( MOM, JESSICA)
29. I have seen Forrest Gump about 17 times
30. I think Alan Rickman is awesome
31. One of my other favorite words is awesome and all it’s derivatives
32. I am a Scorpio
33. Scorpio’s are awesome ;-)
34. I don’t understand certain peoples (and by that I mean Celebrities) desire to give their children humiliating, and future mental illness causing names.
35. I also don’t understand peoples need to change the long standing and perfectly good spellings of names just to make it ‘unique’ nobody knows that your name is unique unless you spell it out every time you introduce yourself. (can you picture it? “Hello my name is Miranda, spelled Mirwhejfuekdanda, the ‘whejfuekd’ is silent. Isn’t that unique?”)
36. Contortionists gross me out (no offense to contortionists)
37. My dream of becoming a celebrity through my awesome blog is unlikely to come to fruition cause I don’t even have a mediocre blog, or… any blog at all
38. I hate hypocrites
39. I hate people that try to force their own beliefs on others, please just accept that some of us don’t want to get up early on Sunday, enjoy celebrating birthdays and Christmas, and after living in the great frozen tundra that is Canada consider an eternity in hell a nice balmy holiday
40. And before you start hating on me for the ‘great frozen tundra’ remark, let me state for the record… I fucking LOVE Canada, I’m just not crazy about our somewhat pansyish government
41. I find it physically and mentally impossible to pick one favorite song
42. I love escargot
43. I hate tomatos, but love Ketchup (there’s that lesson in contradictions thing again)
44. I look ridiculous when phrases such as “what up dog?” and “fo shizz bi-atchs” come out of my mouth ( of course most people look ridiculous when they say that)
45. When life gives you lemons, whip them at the assholes the pissed you off, hope they get juice in their eyes, and carry on your merry way.
46. I have a big thing for accents, especially English, Irish, Scottish, and Australian, I also like Russian
47. Despite living for 23 years with a fairly deranged family I find it difficult to come up with 100 random things about myself
48. I like to shoot pool
49. I have shot a machine gun, and a couple hand guns, and bow and arrows all before the age of about 10 (and no I was not raised in a Ghetto)
50. One of my guiltiest pleasures is … (pfft you didn’t really think I was gonna tell YOU did you?)
51. I once kicked my brother down a flight of stairs… then ran down the stairs and stomped on him while he was laying on the landing writhing in pain (one of my finer moments, I think)
52. Love you Brenty HAAHAHA heh
53. When I was a kid I used to be able to lay on my back on the floor and flip my legs up so my knees touched the floor on either side of my head ( that seemed a lot more innocent when I was a kid, and no I can’t still do it)
54. Are you still reading this? (stalker)
55. I am 3 years, 3 months and 3 days older than my cousin Nikki (she’s good people and I loves her)
56. Her little sister Sammy will perpetually be about 10 years old ( she’s good people too, and I loves her also)
57. I can pretty much count on one hand how many times my hair has not been in a ponytail or some variation of in the last year.
58. I want to travel the world
59. I want to learn another language
60. My dad is the original grumpy old man and has written or rewritten more limericks, rhymes, and songs to be appallingly (and there for hilariously) dirty than anyone I have ever met (He’s awesome)
61. I like the show Freaks and Geeks, seriously dudes, youtube it, if for no other reason than the copious amount of James Franco (yums)
62. Despite my deep and enduring love for James Franco I have only seen parts of one of the spider man movies (mostly cause the dorky whineness of Toby Maguire almost completely negates the hotness of James Franco, I also hate Kirsten Dunst with the heat of a thousand burning suns and think she should’ve quit acting after she reached her peak in Interview with the Vampire, same goes for Tom Cruise)
63. I hate Tom Cruise
64. I think Katie Holmes was entirely the wrong choice for Rachel in Batman Begins and Maggie Gyllenhall ( or however you spell that) wasn’t much better (Michael Caine MAKES those movies, I also love Liam Niesen, and to a lesser extent Christian Bale)
65. Heath Ledger did such an amazing job as the Joker I had to give him his own number
66. I think the best eye candy movies in the history of movies are 300, the Ocean’s Trilogy, and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy
67. I am in love with Johnny Depp and hate hate hate Vanessa Paradise (only cause she’s with him, I’m sure she’s perfectly nice)
68. My very first celebrity crush was Adrian Paul (I was like 7 and he had such pretty hair in Highlander)
69. I have a thing for guys with longish hair
70. I have a problem dating guys that are shorter than me (the problem is that at 6’ it’s hard to find guys taller than me)
71. I hate people that walk slow, especially down the middle of the road, or in parking lots (one of these days I’ma gonna get fed up and just run over your tortoise impersonating ass)
72. I wanna bitch slap Naomi Campbell and Jennifer Lopez … and her ugly ass husband
73. I am a firm believer that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are trying to raise a multicultural army to take over the world (I also find it odd that little Shiloh has such light blonde hair)
74. I can’t wait for the next Fast and the Furious movie to come out (Vin Diesel is a babe)
75. I love history, and learning about other cultures (it amuses me that no matter how “advanced” mankind becomes we are still fighting over the same damn things!!)
76. I think that humans are their own worst enemies and that if there is a God and he is responsible for us having free will, given the current state of the world, he’s probably kicking himself in the ass (cause being god he can totally do that) and so he should
77. I don’t wear jewelry
78. My mom is awesome cause she hates her job and still goes everyday (Mom, when I win the lottery can I be there when you quit?)
79. I like hats
80. I think that the Taj Mahal is one of the most beautiful buildings in the world, I’m also a big fan of Saint Basil’s Cathedral
81. When I’m rich I want to build a replica of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon (doesn’t that sound so pretty?)
82. That’s it can’t think of anymore, tootles